I Want to Run With Scissors in Taipei

First of all...I know that what may be okay in one culture may not be alright in another.

Therefore, it isn't fair of me to judge Taiwanese culture so harshly sometimes based on my completely western objective.

BUT.

Sometimes, I feel like I see something so heinous...so wrong....so completely irreprehensible and egregious....I would feel remiss NOT to say or do something.

Behold:


MATCHING RAT TAILS!

These boys were obviously brothers, ages around 10 and 6...this wouldn't have been SO BAD if they were adults, and fully in control of their fates and destinies..but damn. They're just children....unwitting trusting innocent little children.

And as if that wasn't enough of a blister upon my eye, 3 minutes later:


I really hope for her sake that's just a nasty hair extension she forgot to take out.

Makes me inspired to revive Taipei Mullets again.

PowerPoint of the WORLD

Passed by this apartment building advertising 1-2 bedroom apartments...and took a closer look at its name.

You can imagine somewhere Bill Gates would be seething. Heee, and that amuses me.

Anyway, this only enhances my opinion that the Taiwanese have a knack for taking what's trendy and misinterpreting it again...and again. I wonder what the next complex will be called?

Messenger of Asia?
Browser Home?
Web 2.0 World?

Cold in Asia

FINALLY!

How Globalization Works To Help Waste More Time at Work

Honestly, with the advent of Web 2.0 culture, the world has truly become smaller and flatter. How else to explain this orgy of awesomeness that entered my company inbox on an otherwise dull lifeless day in my cubicle? It's not every day that you see Michael Jackson's Thriller interpreted by Bollywood and paired with naughty Chinese subtitles.

I actually didn't notice the subtitles first. I was laughing hard enough already...until I realized the words "Motherfucker" in Chinese were scrolling across the screen...WTF?!

Apparently someone in Taiwan had the prescence of mind to UP the haha factor by putting in subtitles that SOUNDED like the Hindi lyrics...but had entirely different meanings.

My coworkers helped translate the lyrics into English (you know...promoting cross cultural language exchange on a whole new level) ...so my non-Chinese reading friends can appreciate Indian Michael on another level.

My Chinese readin' friends...help me out here if you think I missed out on an opportune screen grab.



The catchy chorus sets the tone for the rest of the piece...as you'll soon see.


*Gundam is a Japanese anime hero. He's usually not so lascivious as these lyrics suggest.


So this Cha-li-cha I take it is the life of the party?


Our Chinese subtitler seems torn here. Should he go with "Ice Cold "(bing liang) or betelnut (binlang)? Betelnuts would have seemed appropriate as they basically get you high. So why pair sex with iced tea instead of drugs in the end? Let's look at the following lyric, shall we?

*Touchy-Touchy Tea in Taiwan means a well known brothel/teahouse.
Ahhhhhh....got it.

Daaaaamn. This is starting to go from funny to scary.

REALLY EFFIN' SCARY.

Couture SARS Masks of Asia

I LOVE Samira Boon's Funny Animal Face Masks. Very clever work. :)

Back home, we make fun of Michael Jackson for wearing his face masks, but here in Asia it's really common for everyone to rock it like Michael and cover up half their faces. Heck-even I'M wearing a face mask every morning now as I battle through my seasonal asthma. And thanks to the selection here, I get to color coordinate them with my sassy outfits:



The practice serves two purposes-to keep shit OUT and to keep shit IN. There's so much pollen, dust, bus/car/scooter exhaust, stinky tofu, questionable sewage trapped in our city basin-it would be an invitation for lung disease not to tie one on before leaving the house sometimes. Also, if you've got a perpetual cough that won't quit- it's a sign of courtesy to muffle your face with the mask, and keep your nasty germs to yourself.

One last look at the newest mask I bought when I went to the Rao He Nightmarket with Temsy and Chih:



My living, breathing, blogface. :)

Ni Jiang Hua Hao Qi Guai!*

* Your speech is weird!

I get this, oh, about once a week at least. The next question that always follows is: "Ni shi na li ren?" Where are you from?

I think I should just xerox this and print it out on cards for them:

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Northeast Judging by how you talk you are probably from north Jersey, New York City, Connecticut or Rhode Island. Chances are, if you are from New York City (and not those other places) people would probably be able to tell if they actually heard you speak.
Philadelphia
The Inland North
The Midland
Boston
The West
The South
North Central
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

The Universal Language of Video Games

What was I doing before we got AOL in our house in 1994?

Wasting my childhood playing Street Fighter II. :)

I still remember playing Street Fighter II for 5 hours straight one rainy day and coming THISCLOSE to kickin' Bison's ass as Chung Li. Girl Power indeed. I think I got a C on some pre-Algebra test cuz I should've been studying the Commutative Theory or some shite like that instead. Whooooooops.

And I LOVE how my Taiwanese friends here did the SAME thing as well.


Here's evidence...from a Taiwanese talk show.

(skip to 1:13 for the good part...my VERY LOOSE translation below)




Girl: Today our topic is retro video games. blah blah blah..hey, which videogame held the most meaning and left the deepest impression on your everlasting soul? And no I'm so not rehearsing this out of my ass.

Dude: Hell yea chica, everyone knows that the most badass game from heavan to hell was that hella fast fighting game like the smooth wind.

Girl: STREET FIGHTER!

Dude: Hadouken!!! I remember big streets and little alleys had that shit up displayed and everyone would get their POSE on.They'd sit, with their right hand like THIS and their left hand like THAT in order to achieve HADOUKEN!

Girl: To achieve Hadouken..

Dude: ...to get Hadouken you gotta JAB AT IT! POKE! But the best was the T.K.HADOUKEN JABBING METHOD.

Girl: WAZ DAT?!?!

Dude: A.k.a...the TAI-KE(hillbilly Taiwanese) HADOUKEN JABBING METHOD! Yo yo yo check it. I got my right controller, holding it like a highballer..CHEERS..and then with my left hand on the other controller...like this..HADOU-HADOU-HADOOOOUUUUKEEEEEN!!!!!!!

Dude you had to be a master at this with no life otherwise to attain that level of mastery. But the best was when you'd see grade schoolers act this shizz out in real life.

Like, you'd see two kids on the street...

and I needn't have to translate the rest now, eh?

OK. One last line after everything has been said and done:

Girl: One more time, can you do the HAROUKEN CHA-CHA?

Dude: HAROUKEN! HAROUKEN!

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Happy Birthday, Grandpa.

:)

Animation+Music+Nerdy Computer Wizardry=THE SPERM WHALE

This band is a labor of love from my friends Jason and Sandra.

I remember sitting inside Alt Cafe in Alphabet City, knitting a red alpaca wool scarf for my cousin while my friend Jason was slavering over a VJing program that linked musical beats/notes to animated graphics. That was almost two years ago...and here are the fruits of his labor! (my red scarf is most likely underused and under my cousin's bed by now)

The Villainous Cast of THE SPERM WHALE: Tom Shad - bass, guitar, chapman stick, vocals, keys, .. Jase Weston - fx, guitar, drum programming,, .. Kris Weston - additional fx. Mike Pride - drums Iain Melvin - programming Sandra Cordero - sprites Video by: Dennis Ordonez And of course, they have a MySpace Page. :) My (Former) Studio In Taipei In preparations of Operation Jettison Out and in the interest of saving money, I have moved back in with my mom and grandma in Taipei. I made this a couple of months back...so please don't think I'm narrating this while suffering from the delusion that I still live there or something. :) Saturday, November 04, 2006 Modern Toilet in Taipei Yesterday, I went to Modern Toilet with some friends. That's right bitches. Modern Toilet is a RESTAURANT. For the disbelieving..here's their website. Judging from how hard it was to get a (hee hee) toilet seat, the stigma of poo and pee hasn't done much to deter hungry and thirsty patrons in the Shilin area. It's (understandably) more popular with the younger, high school crowd. I can't imagine my mom scooping chocolate ice cream out of squat toilet. The seats are made out of real toilets...with designer lids. And YES, they do open. There's some tasteful art that they exhibit throughout the restaurant. All three floors of the restaurant. Notice the golden turds. You can buy your own for $6 USD each. Oh yea, I forgot. We came here to EAT.....this is my friend's curry toilet bowl. TASTY! The turd holds extra surprises. This was my dish...Beef Hotpot in a Toilet Bowl. I don't know how I feel about those sauce stains on the rim. Our ice cream arrives in Taiwanese Squat Toilet Bowls. My friend was pissed that they didn't serve it in the traditional "Japanese Poo Swirl". 1,2,3...Say, "POOOOOOOOOO!" "POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Closing Thoughts on Modern Toilet: Modern Toilet is obviously one of those theme restaurants where the emphasis on going isn't on its fine cuisine. You're basically there just to take pictures and act like a retard with your friends. (which I did EASILY) But as I am a serious eater, I DID have some suggestions for the place...namely that they work on expanding and improving their beverages some more. The iced teas were way overbrewed to the point that noone finished them, and I was extremely disappointed to see they were served in traditional glasses. Come on, if you've gone so far...why not the way and over the top and give me my drink in a champagne flute that looks like a urinal, or if that's too gross, at least a kitchen sink? And I KNOW my friend Ellen was thinking, "WHERE'S THE ALCOHOL?!??!" Hahahahaha...but otherwise no major complaints. The place was clean, the staff was patient, the food was acceptable, the drinks sucked...but my friends and I couldn't stop laughing the whole night. :) Wednesday, November 01, 2006 MAKE Halloween From THIS: To THIS!!!!: I'm still geeking out that we got a place on the MAKE Magazine BLOG! Subscribe to: Posts (Atom) About Me Hellinjay I am an upstanding citizen who likes comfortable shoes. View my complete profile Blog Archive ►  2009 (1) ►  January (1) ►  2007 (16) ►  December (2) ►  October (1) ►  April (1) ►  March (3) ►  February (5) ►  January (4) ▼  2006 (59) ►  December (5) ▼  November (12) I Want to Run With Scissors in Taipei PowerPoint of the WORLD Cold in Asia How Globalization Works To Help Waste More Time at... Couture SARS Masks of Asia Ni Jiang Hua Hao Qi Guai!* The Universal Language of Video Games Happy Birthday Animation+Music+Nerdy Computer Wizardry=THE SPERM ... My (Former) Studio In Taipei Modern Toilet in Taipei MAKE Halloween ►  October (5) ►  September (2) ►  August (4) ►  July (1) ►  May (3) ►  March (7) ►  February (5) ►  January (15) My Friends...At Least We Can Be Together Online: Lisa is ROCKING IT in LA Danny is Dwoing Dwesign in Cali Maggie is Embracing LA Life Elena is a Scrapbooking DIVA in Cali! Temsy Will Teach You Japanese! Eric is T.F.O. in the Middle East Jason is Using Both Brains in NYC Sandra Makes Art n'Motion Happen in NYC Teddy is an Awful-ly Awesome Animator in NYC Erin is a Ninja in NYC Kathy is Acting Up in NYC Ellen Says Howdy in Taipei Jonny Makes It in Taipei Jin is KongKongna in Taipei Chris Tells You About Everything That's Cool in NYC www.helenjen.com Hunting Mullets in Taipei My Office Training Blog Digimax Art Meme Blog