Saturday, March 25, 2006

The LIGHTER Side of Losing My Powerbook... being friends with my PC again. I FORGOT how wonderful my Dell laptop was!
(for those Mac Freaks, sit down...I didn't lose lose my powerbook. It's in the shop for F@#$$KIN' 7-10 DAYS because it STOPPED WORKING aka wouldn't turn on or stay on)

Right now I'm backing up old files, discovering forgotten artwork, half written stories, screenplays, work files, um, a break-up letter I wrote, old photos...

These old computers are like DIGITAL TIME CAPSULES.

Here's a relic from my days as an NYU student...the dogs of Washington Square Park:

Friday, March 24, 2006

Slang in Asia-Part 2

I was speaking in Chinese the other day...and my tongue tripped over the word for "criticize":

English: to criticize
Pronunciation: Pi Ping

That's right folks...pi ping. Very close to pee peeing.

Hence, the birth of a new slang term for my life in Taiwan.

Pee Peeing
definition: to criticize in a very negative manner, sometimes associated with something Taiwanese that is so hideous, you would want to verbally deface/pee on it.
"Stop pee peeing me for facts that you aren't even clear on."
"That outfit is so ugly, I can't resist pee peeing it."

phrases: "pee peeing on"
Usage: "She was pee peeing on the food at Taipei's New York City Bagels, because shite, man, their food and service is abominable!"

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Give it UP for the DOG!

From my beautiful friend Lisa Kim, who is doing SO MUCH GOOD volunteering at the Glendale Humane Society.

That's her handsome boy, PIPER, left.


Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year- old Irish Wolfhound named Belker.
The dog's owners,Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying ofcancer. I told the family there were no miracles left for Belker, and
offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something fromthe experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion.

We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter
than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up,"I know why."

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good
life -- like loving everybody all the time andbeing nice, right?"
The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply, Speak kindly.

Thierry Kolpin, M.S.
Assistant Professor of Education
Assistant Chair Off-Campus

I sent this out initially to a small group of friends, and yeah, I think it got them all as misty eyed as me.


Luckily she's got a ways to go about loving everbody and being nice all the time. So that means I still have her around for a while. She's delightfully imperfect, greedy, lazy, snobby, flatulent, self-indulgent and did I say greedy? Ha! It's like I have a cat instead of a dog. But if she weren't all those things I wouldn't love her so much. :)

Sunday, March 19, 2006

I Just Wanna Say...

I'M OKAY!!!!!


Yea, so I've been upset lately. Sheeeyite...I'm human. But don'cha all worry. I'm nowhere near Girl Interrupted or Prozac Nation.

Thanks for all the people who popped up near and far who expressed their sympathy and concern. It really helped and it was much easier to stabilize myself knowing that there were people who could support me through my bummed out period.

I'm very thankful, and lucky.

Thank you.


Tuesday, March 14, 2006

How My Mood is Lately

If you go outside and see a dude letting his dog take a dump on the sidewalk without bothering to clean it up-you'd be annoyed. But let's face it, you'd probably mind your own business and not say anything.

Now imagine, you're outside, and this same guy stands idly by while his Golden Retriever decides to drop TURD TORPEDOES all over your shoes.

Your first instinct is to probably FLIP OUT- SMEARING THE SHIT BACK ON the dog owner. FUCK YEAH!

How to get further incensed? Have some bystander analyze your actions and later derive that you have some big psychological chip on your shoulder who then prepares to lecture YOU, while IGNORING and SPARING the careless dog owner who started the whole damn mess by drenching you in shit.

This describes the injustice I've been feeling lately.

Thanks for all the people who commented or wrote me personally to say:
a) I was right to feel angry
b)that they wished physical harm on Canadian Dumbass and my friend who was less than understanding
c) that I should just fuck Taiwan and go back home.

Hmmm...I wholeheartedly agree with A. I can only half agree to B and C though. Give me some time though.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Rice-a-Hornies Upset Me

So the other day I had to restrain myself from projectile vomiting on this Canadian White Dude who made this bold, ABSOLUTE statement:

“Yea, I was just wondering the other day what it’d be like to be with a Black chick, I never dated Black before… It’s got to be Asian. ONLY Asians. Yea, I’m definitely more into Asians now.”

Oh no he DIDN’T. What the DAMN!? Women are PEOPLE! This isn’t like Sean John versus Vera Wang!

Living in Asia, and mingling with the English speaking community, I’m already resigned to the harsh reality that I’ve landed into the Mecca of Foreign Guys Who Have a Thing for Oriental Pussy Blossoms. Usually, they don’t bother me so much because they are generally smart enough to know that there’s an Asian Girl they want..and it ain’t me. They usually go for the girls with the weak English, not womanly..but GIRLY look, 100% Feminine no male traits, deferential, polite with a propensity to KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT who adore/worship Western Men in blind devotion.

So yea, they want a Stepford Asian Fembot or some shite like that.

I already suspect a large number of Foreign Males that I know in Taipei have Yellow Fever. Dude, some of their MySpace profiles are like virtual harems. It’s like they collect Asian Girls as collector cards. BUT, they don’t go sniffing up my tree, and they don’t acknowledge or speak about Asian women in THAT WAY in front of me…perhaps they fear a swift kick in the groinal area or that I will most likely react as prey does next to a predator and RUN LIKE THE DICKENS. But I also prefer to think that by now they understand my personality more to know that as a person, this kind of talk would really ANNOY THE SHIT out of me and cause me some sort of emotional distress. So out of respect? I hope? They save this shit talk for their male buddies.

But this Canadian White Boy did not know better, and he’s lucky I didn’t verbally castrate him.

I didn’t at the time, because I was emotionally tired. And I know if there is truly one thing that is sissyphian and a BIG TIME WASTER, it’s convincing someone with Asian Fetish…that he/she has Asian Fetish. An even bigger time waster would have to be convincing a person who admits he/she has Asian Fetish…that it’s wrong.

They are not likely to change. No person with Asian Fetish in their right mind is going to listen to my tirade and say, “HOLY COW! You are PERFECTLY RIGHT about the way I live my life. I have been wrong about my highly limited views of Asian people…when you said that highly thought provoking informative sentence, you systematically cracked my entire belief system down…and now I am cured of this cursed Yellow Fever. Hallelulliah! Now I can appreciate ALL RACES. GOD BLESS YOU.”

Shit. If some dude ever said this to me un-ironically, my bet would be that he was just trying to sleep with me. Point is. This is highly unbelievable, and to all you people who think you can try, god bless your noble hearts, but I think it will just cause you a lot of frustration, sorrow, and white hair. Stay young and beautiful!

But what can you do instead? I recommend standing up for your right to ALLOW YOURSELF TO GET MAD. If it smells like shit, it is shit. If someone says something that makes you uncomfortable…that’s because the person is incapable of understanding how you feel or just doesn’t you should tell that person before engaging in passive aggressive revenge tactics. (Spreading rumors about small penis size and pushing them in front of oncoming buses are some of them.)

In retrospect I should have just told Canadian White Dude to shut the hell up. Or just excuse myself. That was my mistake. Because while I can’t preach how someone ELSE should change the way they are psychologically, I can defend WHY I don’t want to hear this kind of shit talk and be exposed to this.

Which leads me to ANOTHER fucking headache…dealing with a close friend who seemingly refuses to VALIDATE my anger or reasons for feeling this anger. Maybe it’s because he’s a guy. Maybe it’s because he’s Asian himself and doesn’t seem to understand WHAT THE BIG DEAL is. If he’s fine with hearing his friend talk about Asian chicks like that, why shouldn’t I be fine with it?! I honestly think that is how he feels. Everytime lately when I bring up how POO it was to have to hear this bile spill from Canadian White Dude’s mouth, I’m the one who ends up having to defend myself. WTF?!

It’s so typical. A woman gets all huffy because a guy makes insensitive comments, and she’s OVERREACTING. Or worse, making something small seem bigger than it really is. Frankly, I can deal with Canadian White Dude better than with my friend right now. I’m not that personally invested in that character, he’s just ignorant, and we aren’t close.

But now my close friend is needling me. I have to define what is the difference between fetish and preference. Am I being a little racist perhaps? Would I date a black man? What’s wrong with dating someone just for their appearance? How is Asian Fetish different than dating someone with big boobs or blonde hair?

Versus hmmm…my female friends..especially Asian American female friends-whose first reaction to Canadian White Guys’ comments were
“Dude. What is WRONG with him.”
“Oh. What. The. FUCK?”
“That is seriously fucked. I’m flying to Taiwan and kicking his ass for you. That is fucked.”

Honestly. That’s what I need to hear. Some fucking validation.

Just because you disapprove and are angry about Asian Fetish, doesn’t make you an ignorant dumbass person who doesn’t think SERIOUSLY and OBJECTIVELY about race. The fact that my close friend assumes that his comments are NOVEL..thought-provoking…insightful and new…forcing me to question a force that has infuriated me since puberty and confused me since childhood IS REALLY INSULTING.

No shit- like I haven’t had discussions like this in a billion million different forms throughout college, at a bar, some party, at the office, but usually directed at the Asian Fetish perpetrator. Never from a close friend!

Seriously, if a friend is UPSET about something-what would the purpose be in putting an already upset friend through the wringer? I mean, what is the agenda for all the interrogation?

I shouldn’t have to defend myself for feeling upset or angry. I can only blame myself for exposing myself to people and words that make me feel that way.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

I'm fascinated...with myself.

I'm bored as hell. Hence these funny little personality tests.

Consider this as a guide to who I am. Because we all know how accurate these tests are.

I guess the 30% is the part of me that is straight and finds John Stewart incredibly sexy...

You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

Wow. That cleared my gender confusion up. Shit. Where's my lipstick?

I've always suspected...

You Are Most Like Miranda!

While you've had your fair share of romance, men don't come first
Guys are a distant third to your friends and career.
And this independence *is* attractive to some men, in measured doses.
Remember that if you imagine the best outcome, it might just happen.

Romantic prediction: Someone from your past is waiting to reconnect...

But you'll have to think of him differently, if you want things to work.

But does this mean I'm going to wind up gettin' knocked up, and then possibly leaving my husband for a lesbian lover down the line? Cynthia Nixon is AMAZING! But the rest of this is pretty much straight up true.

Instead I took the road of a selfish artist...

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!

I feel like Madame Freakin' Curie..."PIERRE! We've discovered a NEW ELEMENT!"

Ok, now this makes me want to cry...

You Belong in New York City

You're an energetic, ambitious woman.
And only NYC is fast enough for you.
Maybe you'll set yourself up with a killer career
Or simply take in all the city has to offer.

Yes, as if I needed affirmation on THAT notion from a software program. I'm so NYC it hurts.