Lies My Mother Have Told Me #1

Just over a year ago, while I was still considering the wide eyed option of traveling to a foreign land, my mom SHAMELESSLY bribed me over here with the idea of us getting a family car and letting me drive it around Taipei. And not just ANY car...


Mom:Your Grandmother is outraged that Chen Shui-Bian's [Current President of Taiwan that my family loathes] son is driving a Jaguar around the city and parking it in spaces reserved for high ranking military officers..."

Me: Oh yea? What did she say?

Mom: She said, "Chen thinks he's so great. What's the big deal?! We can get a Jaguar too! Let Helen drive one when she gets here!"

My ears perked up. First of all, I didn't even know we could afford a Jaguar.

Mom: I mean, we SHOULD get a car. The new apartment we're moving into has a parking space and it'd be a shame not to use it. Plus there's no subway near our house, so we'd HAVE to get a car. And you can drive to the mountains, and the beach with your friends whenever you'd like....

Me in My Head: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!

Mom: (reeling in the fish) But seriously. She prefers a Mercedes Benz. She feels those are the safest cars.

Me in My Head: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's fast forward to present day. My mom COMPLETELY denies this conversation ever took place. (Because we all know I have a tendency to hallucinate long distance calls concerning luxury vehichles) She said I could get a scooter, then nixed that idea too. Finally, I had to buy my own crappy one speed bicycle. Her response:

"You can do whatever you want. It's your money."

Needless to say, from a Jaguar to a one speed. Genius, Mom...genius.