Sunday, November 26, 2006

I Want to Run With Scissors in Taipei

First of all...I know that what may be okay in one culture may not be alright in another.

Therefore, it isn't fair of me to judge Taiwanese culture so harshly sometimes based on my completely western objective.


Sometimes, I feel like I see something so completely irreprehensible and egregious....I would feel remiss NOT to say or do something.



These boys were obviously brothers, ages around 10 and 6...this wouldn't have been SO BAD if they were adults, and fully in control of their fates and destinies..but damn. They're just children....unwitting trusting innocent little children.

And as if that wasn't enough of a blister upon my eye, 3 minutes later:

I really hope for her sake that's just a nasty hair extension she forgot to take out.

Makes me inspired to revive Taipei Mullets again.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

PowerPoint of the WORLD

Passed by this apartment building advertising 1-2 bedroom apartments...and took a closer look at its name.

You can imagine somewhere Bill Gates would be seething. Heee, and that amuses me.

Anyway, this only enhances my opinion that the Taiwanese have a knack for taking what's trendy and misinterpreting it again...and again. I wonder what the next complex will be called?

Messenger of Asia?
Browser Home?
Web 2.0 World?

Friday, November 17, 2006

Cold in Asia


How Globalization Works To Help Waste More Time at Work

Honestly, with the advent of Web 2.0 culture, the world has truly become smaller and flatter. How else to explain this orgy of awesomeness that entered my company inbox on an otherwise dull lifeless day in my cubicle? It's not every day that you see Michael Jackson's Thriller interpreted by Bollywood and paired with naughty Chinese subtitles.

I actually didn't notice the subtitles first. I was laughing hard enough already...until I realized the words "Motherfucker" in Chinese were scrolling across the screen...WTF?!

Apparently someone in Taiwan had the prescence of mind to UP the haha factor by putting in subtitles that SOUNDED like the Hindi lyrics...but had entirely different meanings.

My coworkers helped translate the lyrics into English (you know...promoting cross cultural language exchange on a whole new level) my non-Chinese reading friends can appreciate Indian Michael on another level.

My Chinese readin' me out here if you think I missed out on an opportune screen grab.

The catchy chorus sets the tone for the rest of the you'll soon see.

*Gundam is a Japanese anime hero. He's usually not so lascivious as these lyrics suggest.

So this Cha-li-cha I take it is the life of the party?

Our Chinese subtitler seems torn here. Should he go with "Ice Cold "(bing liang) or betelnut (binlang)? Betelnuts would have seemed appropriate as they basically get you high. So why pair sex with iced tea instead of drugs in the end? Let's look at the following lyric, shall we?

*Touchy-Touchy Tea in Taiwan means a well known brothel/teahouse. it.

Daaaaamn. This is starting to go from funny to scary.


Friday, November 10, 2006

Couture SARS Masks of Asia

I LOVE Samira Boon's Funny Animal Face Masks. Very clever work. :)

Back home, we make fun of Michael Jackson for wearing his face masks, but here in Asia it's really common for everyone to rock it like Michael and cover up half their faces. Heck-even I'M wearing a face mask every morning now as I battle through my seasonal asthma. And thanks to the selection here, I get to color coordinate them with my sassy outfits:

The practice serves two purposes-to keep shit OUT and to keep shit IN. There's so much pollen, dust, bus/car/scooter exhaust, stinky tofu, questionable sewage trapped in our city basin-it would be an invitation for lung disease not to tie one on before leaving the house sometimes. Also, if you've got a perpetual cough that won't quit- it's a sign of courtesy to muffle your face with the mask, and keep your nasty germs to yourself.

One last look at the newest mask I bought when I went to the Rao He Nightmarket with Temsy and Chih:

My living, breathing, blogface. :)

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Ni Jiang Hua Hao Qi Guai!*

* Your speech is weird!

I get this, oh, about once a week at least. The next question that always follows is: "Ni shi na li ren?" Where are you from?

I think I should just xerox this and print it out on cards for them:

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Northeast

Judging by how you talk you are probably from north Jersey, New York City, Connecticut or Rhode Island. Chances are, if you are from New York City (and not those other places) people would probably be able to tell if they actually heard you speak.

The Inland North
The Midland
The West
The South
North Central
What American accent do you have?
Take More Quizzes

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

The Universal Language of Video Games

What was I doing before we got AOL in our house in 1994?

Wasting my childhood playing Street Fighter II. :)

I still remember playing Street Fighter II for 5 hours straight one rainy day and coming THISCLOSE to kickin' Bison's ass as Chung Li. Girl Power indeed. I think I got a C on some pre-Algebra test cuz I should've been studying the Commutative Theory or some shite like that instead. Whooooooops.

And I LOVE how my Taiwanese friends here did the SAME thing as well.

Here's evidence...from a Taiwanese talk show.

(skip to 1:13 for the good VERY LOOSE translation below)

Girl: Today our topic is retro video games. blah blah blah..hey, which videogame held the most meaning and left the deepest impression on your everlasting soul? And no I'm so not rehearsing this out of my ass.

Dude: Hell yea chica, everyone knows that the most badass game from heavan to hell was that hella fast fighting game like the smooth wind.


Dude: Hadouken!!! I remember big streets and little alleys had that shit up displayed and everyone would get their POSE on.They'd sit, with their right hand like THIS and their left hand like THAT in order to achieve HADOUKEN!

To achieve Hadouken..

Dude: get Hadouken you gotta JAB AT IT! POKE! But the best was the T.K.HADOUKEN JABBING METHOD.

Girl: WAZ DAT?!?!

Dude: A.k.a...the TAI-KE(hillbilly Taiwanese) HADOUKEN JABBING METHOD! Yo yo yo check it. I got my right controller, holding it like a highballer..CHEERS..and then with my left hand on the other this..HADOU-HADOU-HADOOOOUUUUKEEEEEN!!!!!!!

Dude you had to be a master at this with no life otherwise to attain that level of mastery. But the best was when you'd see grade schoolers act this shizz out in real life.

Like, you'd see two kids on the street...

and I needn't have to translate the rest now, eh?

OK. One last line after everything has been said and done:

Girl: One more time, can you do the HAROUKEN CHA-CHA?


Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Happy Birthday, Grandpa.


Monday, November 06, 2006

Animation+Music+Nerdy Computer Wizardry=THE SPERM WHALE

This band is a labor of love from my friends Jason and Sandra.

I remember sitting inside Alt Cafe in Alphabet City, knitting a red alpaca wool scarf for my cousin while my friend Jason was slavering over a VJing program that linked musical beats/notes to animated graphics. That was almost two years ago...and here are the fruits of his labor! (my red scarf is most likely underused and under my cousin's bed by now)

The Villainous Cast of THE SPERM WHALE:
Tom Shad - bass, guitar, chapman stick, vocals, keys, ..
Jase Weston - fx, guitar, drum programming,, ..
Kris Weston - additional fx.
Mike Pride - drums
Iain Melvin - programming
Sandra Cordero - sprites

Video by: Dennis Ordonez

And of course, they have a MySpace Page. :)

My (Former) Studio In Taipei

In preparations of Operation Jettison Out and in the interest of saving money, I have moved back in with my mom and grandma in Taipei.

I made this a couple of months please don't think I'm narrating this while suffering from the delusion that I still live there or something. :)

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Modern Toilet in Taipei

Yesterday, I went to Modern Toilet with some friends.

That's right bitches. Modern Toilet is a RESTAURANT.

For the's their website.

Judging from how hard it was to get a (hee hee) toilet seat, the stigma of poo and pee hasn't done much to
deter hungry and thirsty patrons in the Shilin area.

It's (understandably) more popular with the younger, high school crowd. I can't imagine my mom
scooping chocolate ice cream out of squat toilet.

The seats are made out of real toilets...with designer lids.

And YES, they do open.

There's some tasteful art that they exhibit throughout the restaurant.

All three floors of the restaurant. Notice the golden turds. You can buy your own for $6 USD each.

Oh yea, I forgot. We came here to EAT.....this is my friend's curry toilet bowl. TASTY!

The turd holds extra surprises.

This was my dish...Beef Hotpot in a Toilet Bowl. I don't know how I feel about those sauce stains on the rim.

Our ice cream arrives in Taiwanese Squat Toilet Bowls. My friend was pissed that they didn't serve
it in the traditional "Japanese Poo Swirl".

1,2,3...Say, "POOOOOOOOOO!"


Closing Thoughts on Modern Toilet: Modern Toilet is obviously one of those theme restaurants
where the emphasis on going isn't on its fine cuisine. You're basically there just to take pictures and
act like a retard with your friends. (which I did EASILY) But as I am a serious eater, I DID have some
suggestions for the place...namely that they work on expanding and improving their beverages some
more. The iced teas were way overbrewed to the point that noone finished them, and I was extremely
disappointed to see they were served in traditional glasses. Come on, if you've gone so far...why not
the way and over the top and give me my drink in a champagne flute that looks like a urinal, or if
that's too gross, at least a kitchen sink? And I KNOW my friend Ellen was thinking, "WHERE'S THE
ALCOHOL?!??!" Hahahahaha...but otherwise no major complaints. The place was clean, the staff was
patient, the food was acceptable, the drinks sucked...but my friends and I couldn't stop laughing the whole
night. :)

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

MAKE Halloween

From THIS:

To THIS!!!!:

I'm still geeking out that we got a place on the MAKE Magazine BLOG!